Photostories by Humans of St. Louis
Haidee
Tagum City, Philippines
“I met him in 2011, when he went to the Philippines for the first time. Then I met him a second time around in 2012, when he visited again and we were together. We came here and we got married. I’m 41 years old, and I’ve been here for almost four years. As a U.S. citizen, he filed a fiancée visa for me when he brought me here. But then problems started between him and I with misunderstandings. If I was going to the library, sometimes he thought that I went to my friend’s house. He was getting possessive. Even if I talked with my family, he was jealous sometimes. His sister-in-law told me that he is insecure. He wanted me to stay home, but I always worked even when I was living in the Philippines. So I didn’t want to stay at home. I needed to work. I didn’t plan to be here actually, because I already had a good job in the Philippines working in a government hospital as a radiologic technologist for 12 years.”
“Unfortunately, our marriage didn’t work. I filed what’s like a self-petition to stay. Luckily, my visa was approved, so I have a green card for 10 years. Soon, I can apply to be a U.S. citizen. Back there, I was a nursing graduate student, so I decided to take the nursing boards here but, unfortunately, I didn’t pass. I’m hoping to make time to review online. I have a busy schedule and it’s a hard exam, but I am still planning to retake it. Now I’m a CNA at a home health care agency mostly taking care of elders. This was my first marriage. I have no plans of getting married again. But maybe, I might.”
“Unfortunately, our marriage didn’t work. I filed what’s like a self-petition to stay. Luckily, my visa was approved, so I have a green card for 10 years. Soon, I can apply to be a U.S. citizen. Back there, I was a nursing graduate student, so I decided to take the nursing boards here but, unfortunately, I didn’t pass. I’m hoping to make time to review online. I have a busy schedule and it’s a hard exam, but I am still planning to retake it. Now I’m a CNA at a home health care agency mostly taking care of elders. This was my first marriage. I have no plans of getting married again. But maybe, I might.”
Haidee sits on a couch in her living room.
“Why do you want to stay here?”
“A few years ago, when my visa was supposed to expire, I waited for it to be renewed. When it was finalized, I decided to go on vacation to the Philippines for a while. I really missed my family there. Then I came back to the U.S. and decided to stay here because I had met Filipino friends here already. I have cousins in different states, like California and Florida, and they told me to move there. But it’s hard to move from one place to another, especially when you already make friends and they’re nice and the place you live is nice. My neighborhood is friendly. Plus, I like to experience the four seasons like in the midwest. Where I come from it is tropical. I also chose here because of my work. I already applied for my state boards here in Missouri.”
“How did you find the MICA Project?”
“When I went to the U.S. immigration office in St. Louis, they gave me a paper with some lawyers’ contact info, and said that these people were not expensive. I was living alone, so I needed a cheaper service. I decided to call everybody on the list. One lawyer told me that I wasn’t qualified because of my job. They only helped people with lower wages. But they referred me to the attorneys at the MICA Project. I met the requirements, and an attorney there helped me gather all my requirements and some of the evidence regarding my ex-husband. I didn’t expect that. And I was so shocked during the interview was the officer. My attorney accompanied me that day for the interview. From what I heard from some people and from the Internet, I thought the officer would ask me, ‘What’s the reason why you’re separated? Why did you file for divorce?’ I was expecting them to ask so much, but then there was nothing. They just talked to my lawyer from MICA and all of the evidence was already prepared and in my files.”
“Have you met somebody else who has been in a similar situation as you?”
“Yes, my friend from the Philippines who now lives in Chicago. I came here one year before her. She married a Filipino and it got bad because there was a physical thing included. In my situation, during a conversation or conflict, there was an emotional or psychological abuse. With her, it’s physical. One time I called up MICA to see if she would take a case in Chicago, but they said the service is only available here in this region.”
“A few years ago, when my visa was supposed to expire, I waited for it to be renewed. When it was finalized, I decided to go on vacation to the Philippines for a while. I really missed my family there. Then I came back to the U.S. and decided to stay here because I had met Filipino friends here already. I have cousins in different states, like California and Florida, and they told me to move there. But it’s hard to move from one place to another, especially when you already make friends and they’re nice and the place you live is nice. My neighborhood is friendly. Plus, I like to experience the four seasons like in the midwest. Where I come from it is tropical. I also chose here because of my work. I already applied for my state boards here in Missouri.”
“How did you find the MICA Project?”
“When I went to the U.S. immigration office in St. Louis, they gave me a paper with some lawyers’ contact info, and said that these people were not expensive. I was living alone, so I needed a cheaper service. I decided to call everybody on the list. One lawyer told me that I wasn’t qualified because of my job. They only helped people with lower wages. But they referred me to the attorneys at the MICA Project. I met the requirements, and an attorney there helped me gather all my requirements and some of the evidence regarding my ex-husband. I didn’t expect that. And I was so shocked during the interview was the officer. My attorney accompanied me that day for the interview. From what I heard from some people and from the Internet, I thought the officer would ask me, ‘What’s the reason why you’re separated? Why did you file for divorce?’ I was expecting them to ask so much, but then there was nothing. They just talked to my lawyer from MICA and all of the evidence was already prepared and in my files.”
“Have you met somebody else who has been in a similar situation as you?”
“Yes, my friend from the Philippines who now lives in Chicago. I came here one year before her. She married a Filipino and it got bad because there was a physical thing included. In my situation, during a conversation or conflict, there was an emotional or psychological abuse. With her, it’s physical. One time I called up MICA to see if she would take a case in Chicago, but they said the service is only available here in this region.”
Haidee holds up a phone with an image of her family displayed on it.
“Where does your strength come from to do all this?”
“From prayer, and also from the people in my family. They say I’m so strong to be alone here. I just pray. And maybe because I’m not afraid of people. Because the people here are very nice. The hardest is if I hear that someone in my family is sick. That’s the time I get sad. Otherwise, my hope is to further my career because a CNA’s salary is not that high compared to being a nurse. That’s why I want to become an RN, to be able to pay all my bills. And I hope to have a partner – to not just be alone and get old.”
“What a personal story that you would like to share that’s made you feel really proud?”
“One of my friends had a problem. Her green card expired already and she needed some money. I had some extra money, so I lent her the money. A long time ago she also called me up because one of her family members back home was sick. So I lent her the money then too. It’s nice to help someone else. When I came here, I had many Filipinos helping me. Actually, my furniture is from a good Filipino friend whose family moved to another state and they gave it to me rather than dropping it off at a Goodwill. That’s how I started, and that’s why I am strong enough too because there are a lot of people who help me as well.”
“From prayer, and also from the people in my family. They say I’m so strong to be alone here. I just pray. And maybe because I’m not afraid of people. Because the people here are very nice. The hardest is if I hear that someone in my family is sick. That’s the time I get sad. Otherwise, my hope is to further my career because a CNA’s salary is not that high compared to being a nurse. That’s why I want to become an RN, to be able to pay all my bills. And I hope to have a partner – to not just be alone and get old.”
“What a personal story that you would like to share that’s made you feel really proud?”
“One of my friends had a problem. Her green card expired already and she needed some money. I had some extra money, so I lent her the money. A long time ago she also called me up because one of her family members back home was sick. So I lent her the money then too. It’s nice to help someone else. When I came here, I had many Filipinos helping me. Actually, my furniture is from a good Filipino friend whose family moved to another state and they gave it to me rather than dropping it off at a Goodwill. That’s how I started, and that’s why I am strong enough too because there are a lot of people who help me as well.”
Haidee stands in front of her house and smiles at the camera.
“What is something from your culture that you practice every day?”
“Being hospitable. Trying not to curse. Cooking Filipino food, but it’s hard to find some of the ingredients here. I usually shop at Seafood City when I have the chance to go there. I miss the food from back home, and sometimes I can’t find certain fruits or vegetables here, like mango and coconut. I love coconuts! But I can only find them in cans. And bananas! We have different varieties of bananas back home. There’s not only one, but many kinds. I miss the plantains. I can find those things in Seafood City, but not always. If I have a client in that area, I’ll get some of my stuff while I’m around there.”
“What’s the hardest time that you’ve ever had to help somebody in your position?”
“If my patients are too heavy, it’s hard for me to carry them. I am so small! I do home health care, and I go anywhere – Herculaneum, De Soto, Hillsborough. I take care of elders. Sometimes they just got out of the hospital, so I have to remind them to take their meds and help them do exercises. Other times they’re in hospice, so I watch them and help them with household things or cook for them. I just try to be helpful to them and be there if they need me. When one of my clients who I’d been working with for two years heard about my status here, and that it wasn’t 100% sure if I was going to stay, she said to me, ‘I can petition for you to stay here.’ I cared for her for two years. I mean, her husband was sick, and I was part of a group of five ladies that provided 24-hour care. I told her that our company wouldn’t let her petition for me because it’s their policy, but she still wanted to do it. It made me feel so happy! And another client of mine who’s already 96 years old heard that I was going back to the Philippines for vacation and she was worried that I wasn’t going to come back. The company could have replaced me with any person within the two months that I was gone, but she requested that I come back to her.”
“Who takes care of you?”
“Only myself. And some of my relatives. I call my family and they ask me how my life is here.”
“Being hospitable. Trying not to curse. Cooking Filipino food, but it’s hard to find some of the ingredients here. I usually shop at Seafood City when I have the chance to go there. I miss the food from back home, and sometimes I can’t find certain fruits or vegetables here, like mango and coconut. I love coconuts! But I can only find them in cans. And bananas! We have different varieties of bananas back home. There’s not only one, but many kinds. I miss the plantains. I can find those things in Seafood City, but not always. If I have a client in that area, I’ll get some of my stuff while I’m around there.”
“What’s the hardest time that you’ve ever had to help somebody in your position?”
“If my patients are too heavy, it’s hard for me to carry them. I am so small! I do home health care, and I go anywhere – Herculaneum, De Soto, Hillsborough. I take care of elders. Sometimes they just got out of the hospital, so I have to remind them to take their meds and help them do exercises. Other times they’re in hospice, so I watch them and help them with household things or cook for them. I just try to be helpful to them and be there if they need me. When one of my clients who I’d been working with for two years heard about my status here, and that it wasn’t 100% sure if I was going to stay, she said to me, ‘I can petition for you to stay here.’ I cared for her for two years. I mean, her husband was sick, and I was part of a group of five ladies that provided 24-hour care. I told her that our company wouldn’t let her petition for me because it’s their policy, but she still wanted to do it. It made me feel so happy! And another client of mine who’s already 96 years old heard that I was going back to the Philippines for vacation and she was worried that I wasn’t going to come back. The company could have replaced me with any person within the two months that I was gone, but she requested that I come back to her.”
“Who takes care of you?”
“Only myself. And some of my relatives. I call my family and they ask me how my life is here.”
A close-up shot of Haidee smiling at the camera.
“Do you feel hopeful about your case?”
“Yeah, there’s an interview, but it’s not like the one that happened two years ago when I was wondering if they were going to approve me or not. My visa is a permanent visa for 10 years. After three years, I can apply for citizenship or renew the visa. The hardest thing was the first time I went with my lawyer because I thought there was a chance that I could not stay here. But all I need to do now is to renew my green card or apply for the U.S. citizenship.”
“Yeah, there’s an interview, but it’s not like the one that happened two years ago when I was wondering if they were going to approve me or not. My visa is a permanent visa for 10 years. After three years, I can apply for citizenship or renew the visa. The hardest thing was the first time I went with my lawyer because I thought there was a chance that I could not stay here. But all I need to do now is to renew my green card or apply for the U.S. citizenship.”